cgator

Congrats, Juanky. I believe you win the Bronze for the "Member with no Life" award. j/k Congrats!

Late at night.

And as I recall, didn't you and Joe try a Rays site for a while? Obviously successful enough that it is no longer here.

I can't believe I'm 31. :blink: 522393[/snapback] whippersnapper!

Happy Birthday to both of you!

Have a good one!

Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news, he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses." "The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied, "Oh, he didn't hang himself,I put him there to dry."

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished." My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?" My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!" My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" THANKS, MOM !

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why: I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000. In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That's 642. According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449. According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33. According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed. Flip one off? . . . . . . I think not.

I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but I think it is fun to decide what one would do. The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and structures destroyed. You are a photographer getting still photos for the CNN news service and are traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. You come across Osama Bin Laden who has been swept away by the floodwaters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under. You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb. So, here's the question and think carefully before you answer the question below: Which lens, would you use ???

The long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be fully considered. Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research. It is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what to do with them.

Saint Peter was at the gates of Heaven interviewing this man. He said, "You haven't done anything bad, but you haven't anything good either. If you tell me just one good thing that you've done, I'll let you in." "Well," the man replied, "I was traveling on the road when I saw a group of thugs robbing a woman. So I went up to them and shouted for them to stop. Unfortunately, things got a little out of hand and I ended up punching out their leader. Then I challenged everyone else of the group to fight me." "Wow," Saint Peter said, "That is good. When did it happen?" "About 2 minutes ago."

A couple of New York hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The middle-aged woman sought help from her doctor. "All my husband does is complain that I never want to have sex with him," she said. "And he's right, too. I have no desire at all." The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit in two weeks. After the two weeks were up, she bounced into his office, grinning ear-to-ear. "Those pills were great Doc, I'm doing it twice a night now." "That's wonderful," said the doctor. "What does you husband say now?" "How should I know?" she replied. "I haven't been home yet."

A teenage boy is taken to his girlfriend's home to meet her parents for the first time. The mother hands him a piece of cake. They all sit there in silence wondering what to say, when the family dog walks in, sits down, and proceeds to lick its testicles. To break the ice, the boy looks at the girl's father and says, "I wish I could do that!" The father looks at the boy and says, "Give it a piece of your cake, and it might let you!"

Q: What do Disney World and Viagra have in common? A: They both make you wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

I know a guy so ugly that when he went to Michael Jackson's house, he had to sleep in his own bed.

Q: How can you tell a woman is really ugly? A: A cannibal takes one look at her and orders a salad.

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wong's have a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, white baby boy! "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby"? The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong" .

You don't use a natural disaster for political gain, and that is the way I would have viewed his using that time for an interview. The people that are in power right now, the ones that can initiate relief programs, should be the ones speaking to the media. Whether he brings 2 people with him or 60, let him talk to the affected residents without it having to turn into a political event. Clinton made a point of not coming down to the Miami area right around the time Bush was here to survey damage after Andrew. He made a point of not trying to make it look like he was coming down for political gains. I respected that. And before someone gets on my case because they think I am simply supporting Kerry, I'm not. I also an not a Bush supporter. I have NPA. I am just too tired of having to spend election after election voting against someone, rather than for someone. It has been a very long time since the last time I felt as though a canidate was the right person, rather than the lesser of 2 (or more) evils.

Eh, I really don't think this would be a good idea personally. 518987[/snapback] Like your opinion matters. What do you think, you run the place or something?

How much would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Answer me that. :plain 518854[/snapback] I'd rather not. It was a dark time in my life

Happy Birthday, one and all.

Who wears only one glove outside of golf? 517381[/snapback] Oooooohhhh, oooooohhhh, I know, I know! Was he reported to be looking for a house in South Florida last week? Did he wear an all white outfit to court? Is he bleached and made of plastic?

Why is one hand brown and the other white? Show of unity........ Well, maybe just a batting glove.