Post Simpsons Quotes here, let's make this a memorable thread.

 

I'll start it off:

 

"We have a kitchen?!?" - Homer

Doh!

 

 

--Homer--

The Simpsons.... Music Writers :plain

Here's a few that I remember:

 

Homer: "Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer."

 

In a flashback episode to when Bart is born, Homer's trying to figure if Bart would be a good name by making sure it can't be rhymed with anything that can be used to tease the boy: "Bart, Cart, Dart, Eart... Nope, can't see any problem with that!"

 

Same episode, Homer: "As long as he's got eight fingers and eight toes..."

 

And in honor of our Football Picking pool, Lisa Simpson (explaining her method for picking winners in NFL games): "Well, I like the 49ers because they're pure of heart, Seattle because they've got something to prove, and the Raiders because they cheat."

 

Here's a link to lots of Simpson quotes ...

http://us.imdb.com/Quotes?0096697

Homer: If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing.

 

Homer: Marge, I'm bored.

Marge: Why don't you read something?

Homer: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.

 

Homer: Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip.

 

Homer: Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids....eat them.

 

Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad.

Homer: Did you wreck the car?

Bart: No.

Homer: Did you raise the dead?

Lisa: Yes.

Homer: But the car's okay?

Bart and Lisa: Yes.

Homer: All right then.

 

Mr. Burns: Somebody up there likes me.

Smithers: Somebody down here likes you too, sir.

Mr. Burns: Shut up.

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No!

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!

Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

 

 

 

 

Grampa Simpson: Welcome home, son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What's wrong with your wife?

Homer: Never mind, you wouldn't understand.

Grampa Simpson: Flu?

Homer: No.

Grampa Simpson: Protein deficiency?

Homer: No.

Grampa Simpson: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?

Homer: No.

Grampa Simpson: Unsatisfying sex life?

Homer: N -- yes. But please, don't you say that word!

Grampa Simpson: What, seeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeeeex.

 

 

 

 

Lou: I went to the McDonalds over in Shelbyville the other day.

Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?

Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2000 locations in this state alone.

Eddie: Hmm...Must've sprung up over night.

Lou: But you know, its the little differences.

Chief Wiggum: Example?

Lou: Well at a McDonalds you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.

Chief Wiggum: Get out! What do they call it?

Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.

Chief Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese...well I can see the cheese but? Hey, do they have Krusty's Partially Gelatinated Gum-Based beverages?

Lou: Yeah, they call them 'shakes.'

Eddie: *Pfft* 'Shakes.' You don't know what you're gettin'.

 

 

 

 

:lol :w00t

Seperate Qoutes

Homer: "They have the internet on computers now?"

 

Ralph: "Me Fail English Thats Umpossible".

 

When I get some time ill add some more here...

 

-Sparky

"Welcome to the internet my friend!' -Homer

 

"I would like to optomize my 56k modem to a T1 fiberoptic line." -The comic book guy

"Can I have money now?" -Homer

Barney- "Homer, hurry up, we're going to be late for English!"

Homer- "Why do I need to learn English? I'm never going to ENGLAND."

 

Homer- "Animals are crapping in our homes and we're cleaning it up. Did we lose a war? That's not America! That's not even MEXICO."

 

Homer- "So, does anybody want to guess how I got the money?"

Bart- "Drugs."

Lisa- "Drugs."

Marge- "I'd have to say drugs too."

Homer- "Close, but you're WAY off."

 

George Washington- "We had cowards in the Revolution too. We called them Kentuckians."

 

Homer- "I want to set the record straight. I THOUGHT the cop was a PROSTITUTE."

[After Homer runs over a deer]

Homer: D'oh!

Marge: A deer!

Lisa: A female deer!

---

Bart: You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye.

Homer: [laughing] The fly was funny, but the booger was the icing on the cake!

---

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.

Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!

i may get this one kinda wrong

 

Ms. Hoover: Ralph, where's your blue crayon?

Ralph: I ate it.

 

 

Ralph: Ms. Hoover, a worm crawled in my mouth....and I ate it.

 

Ralph: Ms. Hoover, I bent my wookie.

 

Ralph: I ate the red berries! They taste like burning!

Homer, after he walks thru his wall into a 3D universe

 

 

"I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am"

Homer: "Mmmmm...unprocessed fish sticks."

Abe Simpson and Mr. Burns--

 

Abe: "I did it! I'm the Limburgh baby! Googoo gaga, baby did a boom boom!"

 

Burns: "Are you stalling, or are you just senile?"

 

Abe: "A little from column A a little from column B."

Homer: yummmmmmmmm, endangered species...

I got one, but its from Ren & Stimpy because I dont get around to watching simpsons much..

 

 

stimpy: ---does something stupid---

 

Ren: YOU IDIOOOOOOTTTTTTT

Homer: Ok, we need 40,000 dollars. How much do we have in the checkbook?

Marge: 70 dollars.

Homer: Have we deposited any 40,000 dollar checks that haven't cleared yet?

Marge: No.

Homer: Hmmmmm.......free goo.

 

------

 

Homer: Are you Darryl Strawberry?

Darryl: Yes

Homer: You play rightfield?

Darryl: Yes

Homer: Are you better than me?

Darryl: Well, I don't know you but.......yes.

 

------

 

Marge: Homer the plant called and said if you don't plan on coming in today don't plan on coming in on Monday.

Homer: Yoohoo! Four-day weekend.

 

------

 

*at media circus*

Kent Brockman: Here comes Fox News.

 

*We are the champions blaring*

*Bush-Cheney 2004 banner on truck*

Homer: ''Let this be a lesson for you Lisa, never help anybody.''

 

~~

 

Ralph: ''my cat's breath smells like cat food.''

 

~~

 

Mr Burns: ''oooh the Germans are mad at me. Ohh I am so scared.'' (or something like that)

 

~~

 

Homer: ''20 dollars? but I wanted a peanut.''

 

Brain: ''20 dollars can buy many peanuts.''

 

Homer: ''Explain.''

 

Brain: ''Money can be exchanged for goods and services.''

 

(homer proceeds to slide on the peanut and the 20 $ escapes by the open window.

 

 

~~

 

Stockmarket guy: ''Just a sec, let me check my computer.'' (looks at newspaper)

 

''if you sell now you can make 25 $''

 

Homer: ''SELL SELL SELL! 25$ !!! '' (dreams about car wash, a hair cut and getting a new hammer :lol )

 

later in that episode

 

Homer: hey hey

 

Marge: we heard about the news! we have so many things planned

 

Homer: hehe, so did I, I spent it all on beer

 

Patty and Selma: surprise surprise

 

Marge: You spent 5200 $ ON BEER!?!

 

Homer: 5200 $?

 

(goes to the TV)

 

Homer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I sold it all for 25$ !

 

Bart kicks homer into the TV. :lol

"Thank you, come again"

-Apu

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

 

~~~

 

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?

Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

Homer: C'mon, Moe. It's been St. Patrick's day for hours now and I'm not drunk yet!

------

 

Homer: Trying is the first step towards failure

 

------

 

Homer: Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

 

-------

 

Abe: Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch.

 

-------

 

Marge: Isn't this better than spending the whole day cooped up inside the house?

 

Homer: Yes, Marge I rather go see a bunch of apples and miss the seventh game of the World Series.

 

-------

 

Canadian Flanders: You wanna smoke a reefer it's legal here.

 

Flanders: May you rot with Satan.

 

--------

 

Ralph: Why do people always run away from me?

 

*wets pants*

 

--------

 

Homer: (to stock certificate in AniMotion) You're my ticket out of this hellhole.

 

Marge: Homer.

 

Homer: OUR ticket out of this hellhole. *rolls eyes*

 

--------

 

Homer: And the alien had a sweet heavenly voice, like Urkel. He appears every Friday night, like Urkel.

 

--------

 

Marge: But there are lots of things you are good at.

 

Homer: Like what?

 

Marge: Snuggle.

 

Homer: Yeah, but none of my friends can watch me.

In the episode when Lisa sees into the future...

 

Moe: We saved your ass in WW II!

 

Lisa's BF: Well, we saved your ass in WW III!!

 

 

~~

 

In the episode when Bart and Lisa play hockey...down to the last penalty shot to determine the winner

 

Homer: This is it Marge, which ever child wins will be subject to my unconditionnal love while the one who loses will be subject to my unconditionnal booing (or maybe another term).

 

.... Bart tanks the PS....

 

Homer: *crying* They are both losers.

 

another moment in that episode

 

Wiggum's team won:

 

Wiggum: ''We won! We won! Sorry kids, I spent all of our pizza money on betting on the other team.'' :lol (pretty sure that was it)

 

 

~~

 

When Wiggum explains to Lisa how he got tickets to Krusty's show.

 

Lisa: That story isn't suitable for children

 

Wiggum: really? I keep my pants on in this version.

 

 

~~

 

Mr Burns: You deserve a spanking my son, Smithers take off my belt!

 

Smithers: With pleasure sir.

 

:plain

Lisa: President Carter can you build us a house. We can't go back to ours.

 

Carter: I'm sorry these houses are for the truely needy.

 

Cledus: Yeah, get your own habitat.

 

Homer: Come on Carter build us a house you lazy bum.

 

Carter: Why you yellow belly, I challenge you to a......

 

*car speeds off*

 

-------

 

Homer: Why did I have to mess with a guy that said sah?

George Bush: You know back in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first name

 

Bart: Yeah well, welcome to the 20th century, George

 

 

One of my all time favorite quotes! :notworthy

 

 

I also like this one:

 

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!

Marge: HOMER!

Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.