In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

 

Most glorious Prince of the Heavenly Armies, Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in ?our battle against principalities and powers, against the rulers of this world of darkness, against the spirits of wickedness in the high places? (Eph., 6,12). Come to the assistance of men whom God has created to His likeness and whom He has redeemed at a great price from the tyranny of the devil. Holy Church venerates thee as her guardian and protector; to thee, the Lord has entrusted the souls of the redeemed to be led into heaven. Pray therefore the God of Peace to crush Satan beneath our feet, that he may no longer retain men captive and do injury to the Church. Offer our prayers to the Most High, that without delay they may draw His mercy down upon us; take hold of ?the dragon, the old serpent, which is the devil and Satan?, bind him and cast him into the bottomless pit ... ?that he may no longer seduce the nations? (Apoc. 20, 2-3).

 

 

In the Name of Jesus Christ, our God and Lord, strengthened by the intercession of the Immaculate Virgin Mary, Mother of God, of Blessed Michael the Archangel, of the Blessed Apostles Peter and Paul and all the Saints. (and powerful in the holy authority of our ministry)*, we confidently undertake to repulse the attacks and deceits of the devil.

 

* Lay people omit the parenthesis above.

 

Psalm 67

 

God arises; His enemies are scattered and those who hate Him flee before Him. As smoke is driven away, so are they driven; as wax melts before the fire, so the wicked perish at the presence of God.

 

V. Behold the Cross of the Lord, flee bands of enemies.

 

R. The Lion of the tribe of Juda, the offspring of David, hath conquered.

 

V. May Thy mercy, Lord, descend upon us.

 

R. As great as our hope in Thee.

 

(The crosses below indicate a blessing to be given if a priest recites the Exorcism; if a lay person recites it, they indicate the Sign of the Cross to be made silently by that person.)

 

We drive you from us, whoever you may be, unclean spirits, all satanic powers, all infernal invaders, all wicked legions, assemblies and sects. In the Name and by the power of Our Lord Jesus Christ, + may you be snatched away and driven from the Church of God and from the souls made to the image and likeness of God and redeemed by the Precious Blood of the Divine Lamb. +

 

Most cunning serpent, you shall no more dare to deceive the human race, persecute the Church, torment God's elect and sift them as wheat. + The Most High God commands you, + He with whom, in your great insolence, you still claim to be equal. ?God who wants all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth? (I Tim. 2,4). God the Father commands you. + God the Son commands you. + God the Holy Ghost commands you. + Christ, God's Word made flesh, commands you; + He who to save our race outdone through your envy, ?humbled Himself, becoming obedient even unto death? (Phil.2,8); He who has built His Church on the firm rock and declared that the gates of hell shall not prevail against Her, because He will dwell with Her ?all days even to the end of the world? (Matt. 28,20). The sacred Sign of the Cross commands you, + as does also the power of the mysteries of the Christian Faith. + The glorious Mother of God, the Virgin Mary, commands you; + she who by her humility and from the first moment of her Immaculate Conception crushed your proud head. The faith of the holy Apostles Peter and Paul, and of the other Apostles commands you. + The blood of the Martyrs and the pious intercession of all the Saints command you. +

 

Thus, cursed dragon, and you, diabolical legions, we adjure you by the living God, + by the true God, + by the holy God, + by the God ?who so loved the world that He gave up His only Son, that every soul believing in Him might not perish but have life everlasting? (St.John 3, 16); stop deceiving human creatures and pouring out to them the poison of eternal damnation; stop harming the Church and hindering her liberty. Begone, Satan, inventor and master of all deceit, enemy of man's salvation. Give place to Christ in Whom you have found none of your works; give place to the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church acquired by Christ at the price of His Blood. Stoop beneath the all-powerful Hand of God; tremble and flee when we invoke the Holy and terrible Name of Jesus, this Name which causes hell to tremble, this Name to which the Virtues, Powers and Dominations of heaven are humbly submissive, this Name which the Cherubim and Seraphim praise unceasingly repeating: Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord, the God of Hosts.

 

V. O Lord, hear my prayer.

 

R. And let my cry come unto Thee.

 

V. May the Lord be with thee.

 

R. And with thy spirit.

 

Let us pray.

 

God of heaven, God of earth, God of Angels, God of Archangels, God of Patriarchs, God of Prophets, God of Apostles, God of Martyrs, God of Confessors, God of Virgins, God who has power to give life after death and rest after work: because there is no other God than Thee and there can be no other, for Thou art the Creator of all things, visible and invisible, of Whose reign there shall be no end, we humbly prostrate ourselves before Thy glorious Majesty and we beseech Thee to deliver us by Thy power from all the tyranny of the infernal spirits, from their snares, their lies and their furious wickedness. Deign, O Lord, to grant us Thy powerful protection and to keep us safe and sound. We beseech Thee through Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen.

 

V. From the snares of the devil,

 

R. Deliver us, O Lord.

 

V. That Thy Church may serve Thee in peace and liberty:

 

R. We beseech Thee to hear us.

 

V. That Thou may crush down all enemies of Thy Church:

 

R. We beseech Thee to hear us.

I totally laughed when I scrolled down.

 

 

St. Threse.. Patron Saint of the Marlins. (She has been since 2003)

:lol thank god for our sense of humor here at least...

 

I'm serious we've gone beyond just bad baseball at this point.

 

This is scary biblical level stuff going down.

 

It's time to call in a priest to perform an exorcism.

 

Did we piss off someone who's into voodoo maybe?

 

Who could've cursed us? JP? AJ? Alfonseca?

We need Hialeah to bless us...

:lol thank god for our sense of humor here at least...

 

I'm serious we've gone beyond just bad baseball at this point.

 

This is scary biblical level stuff going down.

 

It's time to call in a priest to perform an exorcism.

 

Did we piss off someone who's into voodoo maybe?

 

 

No it can't be..................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BARTMAN?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! :o

WTF?

 

Wow... to post threads like these. Do we suck THAT much?

HAHAHA, This has to be the best thread of the year. Nice work, and there is no doubt in my mind that it will.

WTF?

 

Wow... to post threads like these. Do we suck THAT much?

 

 

It's an exorcism and YES it has gotten to that point.

It's the Curse of Nate Bump...

 

:o

We need to bless this team .

It's the Curse of Nate Bump...

 

:o

 

explain??? :confused

:lol thank god for our sense of humor here at least...

 

I'm serious we've gone beyond just bad baseball at this point.

 

This is scary biblical level stuff going down.

 

It's time to call in a priest to perform an exorcism.

 

Did we piss off someone who's into voodoo maybe?

 

Who could've cursed us? JP? AJ? Alfonseca?

 

 

Its the Curse of Jeff Moneybags Loria :mad

:lol thank god for our sense of humor here at least...

 

I'm serious we've gone beyond just bad baseball at this point.

 

This is scary biblical level stuff going down.

 

It's time to call in a priest to perform an exorcism.

 

Did we piss off someone who's into voodoo maybe?

 

Who could've cursed us? JP? AJ? Alfonseca?

 

 

Its the Curse of Jeff Moneybags Loria :mad

I understand that curse :thumbup :whistle

:lol thank god for our sense of humor here at least...

 

I'm serious we've gone beyond just bad baseball at this point.

 

This is scary biblical level stuff going down.

 

It's time to call in a priest to perform an exorcism.

 

Did we piss off someone who's into voodoo maybe?

 

Who could've cursed us? JP? AJ? Alfonseca?

 

 

Its the Curse of Jeff Moneybags Loria :mad

 

No, it's the Curse of Jablowme bringing up Loria in every f***ing thread he posts in.

that has post of the year potential Festa.

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1685099/

It it strange to get a homerun in that ONE spot. We get the 10 best powerhitter and we tell them we're going to throw them a 75 mph fastball in the middle of the plate and they're sucessful about 1/3 at the time while in the game we're pitching balls/strike, fastball/breaking ball, high/low, in/out, and still, lol.

that has post of the year potential Festa.

 

think on the bright side if we was winning we wouldnt have such a great thread like this :mischief

:lol thank god for our sense of humor here at least...

 

I'm serious we've gone beyond just bad baseball at this point.

 

This is scary biblical level stuff going down.

 

It's time to call in a priest to perform an exorcism.

 

Did we piss off someone who's into voodoo maybe?

 

Who could've cursed us? JP? AJ? Alfonseca?

 

 

Its the Curse of Jeff Moneybags Loria :mad

 

 

The token Loria bash.

 

:lol :lol :lol

i feel like marlins are like movie major league team but that team owner by woman their take part of her cloth off every loss game

it's like the Revelations of baseball right now

this is the single best post ever. :notworthy

And now, this week's sermon is from our beloved, the Reverend Cleophis James:

 

 

 

"And now people. And now people... when I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound.

 

I said, when I woke up this morning I HEARD A DISTURBING SOUND.

 

What I heard was the jingle-jangle of A THOUSAND LOST SOULS. And I'm talking about the soul of modern men and women, departed from this life.

 

Wait a minute... those lost jangle souls roamin' unseen over the earth, seek the DIVINE LIGHT, they'll NOT FIND.

 

Because it's TOO LATE... too late yeah, too late for them to ever see again, THE LIGHT THEY ONCE CHOSE NOT TO FOLLOW!

 

Alright, alright... DON'T BE LOST WHEN THE TIME COMES. For the day of the Lord cometh, as a thief in the night. AMEN."

And now, this week's sermon is from our beloved, the Reverend Cleophis James:

 

 

 

"And now people. And now people... when I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound.

 

I said, when I woke up this morning I HEARD A DISTURBING SOUND.

 

What I heard was the jingle-jangle of A THOUSAND LOST SOULS. And I'm talking about the soul of modern men and women, departed from this life.

 

Wait a minute... those lost jangle souls roamin' unseen over the earth, seek the DIVINE LIGHT, they'll NOT FIND.

 

Because it's TOO LATE... too late yeah, too late for them to ever see again, THE LIGHT THEY ONCE CHOSE NOT TO FOLLOW!

 

Alright, alright... DON'T BE LOST WHEN THE TIME COMES. For the day of the Lord cometh, as a thief in the night. AMEN."

 

 

 

 

I SEE THE LIGHT!!!!!

I SEE THE LIGHT!!!!!

 

 

 

 

"Praise God!"