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Family Guy Quotes


Michael
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Stewie: This calls for a sexy party!

 

Meg: Im gonna go wait in my room until I die!

Stewie: Be there in a few minutes.

 

Doctor: Sir, that growth is your penis.

Peter: Oh..what about..

Doctor: Your testicles.

Peter: ooh

 

Peter: Hi, Im looking for Pottytraining books

Clerk: Ok. We got the standard Everybody Poops , and also we have Nobody Poops but You.

Peter: Well, you see, we're catholic, so..

Clerk: OOh, then you'll want Your a Naughty Child and Thats Concentrated Evil Coming Out the Back of You

 

ahh good times, good times.. :lol

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Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you?

Connie: 16.

Quagmire: 18?

Connie: Mom!

Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'!

 

[Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]

Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.

 

And the best:

Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?

Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.

Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.

Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."

Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.

Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.

[Pause]

Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.

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And the best:

Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?

Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.

Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.

Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."

Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.

Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.

[Pause]

Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.

460301[/snapback]

 

Gold.

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Meg: Mayor West, my future is in your hands!

Mayor West: Are you Sarah Connor?

 

Mayor West: Well, you can't interview a dead man! (jumps out window)

 

Lois: Peter, this car has a steering wheel made out of cardboard. And where the engine should be, there's just a drawing of an engine!

Salesman: Yes, but it had only one previous owner....JAMES..BOND!!

Peter: We'll take it!

 

Peter: Hey, What's His Name?

Al Gore: Dick Armey

Peter: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. No Seriously What Is It?

Al Gore: Dick Armey

Peter: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. Hey Dick, What's Your Wife's Name? Vagina Coastguard?

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Chris: I am fat dad.

Peter: No, no your not fat. Your husky. You come from a long line of hucky griffins like your great-great grandfather Griffin.

 

GGF: *Cue make fun of Jabba the Hutt* :lol

461459[/snapback]

 

GGF: Maakaa roopa laapaa raka waka nipple pinchy :lol

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Chris: I am fat dad.

Peter: No, no your not fat. Your husky. You come from a long line of hucky griffins like your great-great grandfather Griffin.

 

GGF: *Cue make fun of Jabba the Hutt* :lol

461459[/snapback]

 

GGF: Maakaa roopa laapaa raka waka nipple pinchy :lol

461641[/snapback]

lol. There we go. :lol

 

Quagmire: Oh yeah!

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My favorite scene is with Kool Aid Man.

 

Judge : "Mr. Griffin, I think your words have touched us all. I?m sentencing you to twenty-four months in prison!" [hits the gavel]

Lois : "Oh no!"

Brain : "Oh no!"

Chris : "Oh no!"

Meg : "Oh no!"

Kool Aid Man : [crashing through the side of the courthouse] "Oh yeah!"

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