What will happen tomorrow.

 

The scene: Marlins clubhouse prior to tomorrow's game. Players are preparing to play the Mets, most of them are lounging around. Fredi is off-left walking into clubhouse. Hip-hop plays in the background.

 

 

Fredi turns off radio

 

Fredi: We are 5-10 against the Mets.

 

*looks at Olsen*

 

Fredi: 5 and mother f***ing 10.

 

*Fredi paces*

 

Presley: f***ing pathetic.

 

Fredi: They have owned us at home.

 

*blows bubble gum*

 

*pops bubble*

 

Fredi: They outdraw us at home.

 

*glares at Cabrera*

 

Fredi: We have to put up with their obnoxious c**t faced fans.

 

*shudders*

 

Fredi: We have to put up with the obnoxious Jo-se-Jo-se-Jo-se chants.

 

*glares at Jacobs*

 

Fredi: They have a several former Marlins.

 

*glares at Samson*

 

*Samson leaves*

 

Fredi: They think Reyes and Wright are better than Hanley and Arepa Boy.

 

*scoffs*

 

Fredi: Most importantly, they added black to their color scheme to sell more jerseys.

 

*becomes enraged*

 

Fredi: Now we have a MOTHERf***ING shot at making them look like a bunch of sh*t-FACED, a**hole-LICKING, WORN OUT BUNCH OF DICK SUCKING CUNTS!!!!!!!

 

*Fredi turns red*

 

Fredi: Nothing would make me happier than ending this sh*tty ASS MOTHERf***ING SEASON BY SENDING THESE a**holes HOME!

 

Fredi:YOU GOT ME MOTHERf***ERS??!!??!

 

Team: "YEAH!!!"

 

Fredi: I DON'T HEAR YOU YOU MOTHERf***ING, ERROR-CAUSING, INJURY-PRONE STRIKEOUT MACHINE MOTHER f***ERS!!!!

 

Team: "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

 

Fredi: GO OUT THERE AND WIN BITCHES!!!!!

 

*throws chair*

 

*team charges out onto field*

so Reggie says nothing?

 

weak

And people complain about me? The "C" word? LMAO :arms

MARLINS, PREPARE FOR GLORY!!! :sparta

hahahah i actually LOLed at this one a few times

This will probably be the first time I've ever rooted for the Phillies in my long sordid life. It would make this disappointing season all worthwhile (figuratively) to see the Mets not only lose the division but with some luck, making it into the playoffs at all.

Fredi wouldn't have the cojones!

nice.

amen...the preacher has spoken

I'm obviously rooting for the Fish but the idea of helping the Phillies turns my stomach. There's just so much bad blood there. I wish there was an option C.

Fredi wouldn't have the cojones!

 

^ x 5,000,000,000,000

Hall of fame?

I think it would really go like this.

 

* Team is in clubhouse watching TV *

 

Fredi: Guys, we can really take it to the Mets. If we sweep, they're eliminated. What do you say?

 

Cabrera: Shh, shh. Watching something

 

Fredi: Hmm... what do you say Reggie?

 

Reggie: Shut yo' ass up, skip. You know you ain't got sh*t. * Drinks kool-aid *

 

Fredi: Oops, sorry Reggie. Didn't mean to anger you. Is anyone gonna listen to me?

 

* No one says anything *

 

Fredi: Alright guys.

 

* While Fredi leaves, Uggla sticks out his leg, causing Fredi to trip. Uggla then does his handshake with Amezaga *

 

Fredi: ROFL, good one guys.

* While Fredi leaves, Uggla sticks out his leg, causing Fredi to trip. Uggla then does his handshake with Amezaga *

That's my favorite Marlins handshake. The Amezaga Dance is overrated.

i think Freddi's speech on Sunday should be like this...

 

team is lounging around

 

FREDDI: "LISTEN UP...I BROWSED MB.COM WITH TOMMY HUTTON LAST NIGHT."

 

PLAYERS: "yea, so what"

 

FREDDI: "LISTEN, THERE WILL BE 2 MARLINS FANS OUT THERE TODAY. THESE GUYS BELIEVE IN US, THEY ARE THERE THROUGH THICK AND THIN...THEY ARE OUR DIEHARDS...AND THERE'S NOTHING THEY WANT TO SEE MORE THAN THE MARLINS BEAT THE METS.

 

WE HAD TO TAKE THE S**T FROM METS FANS AT DOLPHIN STADIUM, LET'S LET OUR GUYS HAVE A BIT OF GLORY...NOW GET OUT THERE AND KNOCK THOSE F***N METS OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS!

 

CABRERA: "Can I at least have a steak with mashed potatos first"

 

Freddi: "But you ate a chicken dinner for 4 an hour ago"

 

CABRERA: "I know, but I can't win on an empty stomach!"

I could use Fredi using profanity, but more along the lines of saying something moderately motivational before punctuating it by saying:

 

"Now let's go out there and kick..."

 

(sticks his head down, looks left and right, then whispers)

 

"some ass."

:lol :lol

 

love this thread

I'm torn here.

I've done some things in my life that I regret, but one thing I've never done is root for the Phillies...and I never will.

Best case here is both Phils and Mets lose next 3 games. Or let it end tied between the two, and have them playoff for best of wurst.

I was at the game today.

 

Watching the Marlins sweep the Cubs and win their 10th consecutive game vs the Cubs made this miserable season turn into a glorious one.

 

Just my opinion but I was one happy dude driving home tonight.

this was sweet finish at homestand of season i love seen those cubs fans go home sad now time take mets out playoff

I think it would really go like this.

 

* Team is in clubhouse watching TV *

 

Fredi: Guys, we can really take it to the Mets. If we sweep, they're eliminated. What do you say?

 

Cabrera: Shh, shh. Watching something

 

Fredi: Hmm... what do you say Reggie?

 

Reggie: Shut yo' ass up, skip. You know you ain't got sh*t. * Drinks kool-aid *

 

Fredi: Oops, sorry Reggie. Didn't mean to anger you. Is anyone gonna listen to me?

 

* No one says anything *

 

Fredi: Alright guys.

 

* While Fredi leaves, Uggla sticks out his leg, causing Fredi to trip. Uggla then does his handshake with Amezaga *

 

Fredi: ROFL, good one guys.

 

 

Girardi: Fredi what the hell are you doing licking the floor?

 

Reggie: Holy smoke!

 

Fredi: I wass umm, we were having some...

 

Girardi: Cut it fred, I'm tired reading about your poor manager skills on miamibaseball forum. Let me show you how its done.

 

*Turn off tv and take away donut from Cabrera*

 

Cabrera: Hey, that mi launche from Fredi locker I stol!

 

Girardi: What? Fred is this true? Cabrera been here for 5 years and still can't speak perfect english?

 

*Amezaga giggle*

 

Girardi: Calm down lepricon boy, you can't speak either.

 

*Olsen walking in*

 

Olsen: Ok what's going on, did Doug Verga sneak here again? Fredi get rid of him....Joe?

 

*Olsen tries to walk out*

 

Fredi: Perhap Olsen is right, maybe you should...

 

Girardi: Fred brings Olsen in here.

 

Fredi: Right away.

 

Olsen: What do you want? The last I check your not manager anymore. So in a second thought, I could care less about what you want.

 

*Girardi pulls Olsen ears*

 

Girardi: Last I check you were a pitcher with a 5.81 who was beaten up by the cops. So unless you want to get slap by Reggie like the good old days, or perhaps even by Fredi its your choice, you will stop whining like when your uniform button broke.

 

Olsen: *sniff* It was my lucky uniform that my grandmother made it for me.

 

Girardi: Look team, here the deal. If you guys actually play hard, and avoid making mental mistake, and bring back the rule of whoever strike out get the Reggie slap, you can actually eliminate those Mets from the playoff. What do you say? Do it for the Yanke...imean Fredi!

 

Cabrera: (with anger) Where my steak Fredi? I'm getting hungry again! >

 

Fredi: Coming!

 

Girardi: Ugh...

I think it would really go like this.

 

* Team is in clubhouse watching TV *

 

Fredi: Guys, we can really take it to the Mets. If we sweep, they're eliminated. What do you say?

 

Cabrera: Shh, shh. Watching something

 

Fredi: Hmm... what do you say Reggie?

 

Reggie: Shut yo' ass up, skip. You know you ain't got sh*t. * Drinks kool-aid *

 

Fredi: Oops, sorry Reggie. Didn't mean to anger you. Is anyone gonna listen to me?

 

* No one says anything *

 

Fredi: Alright guys.

 

* While Fredi leaves, Uggla sticks out his leg, causing Fredi to trip. Uggla then does his handshake with Amezaga *

 

Fredi: ROFL, good one guys.

 

 

Girardi: Fredi what the hell are you doing licking the floor?

 

Reggie: Holy smoke!

 

Fredi: I wass umm, we were having some...

 

Girardi: Cut it fred, I'm tired reading about your poor manager skills on miamibaseball forum. Let me show you how its done.

 

*Turn off tv and take away donut from Cabrera*

 

Cabrera: Hey, that mi launche from Fredi locker I stol!

 

Girardi: What? Fred is this true? Cabrera been here for 5 years and still can't speak perfect english?

 

*Amezaga giggle*

 

Girardi: Calm down lepricon boy, you can't speak either.

 

*Olsen walking in*

 

Olsen: Ok what's going on, did Doug Verga sneak here again? Fredi get rid of him....Joe?

 

*Olsen tries to walk out*

 

Fredi: Perhap Olsen is right, maybe you should...

 

Girardi: Fred brings Olsen in here.

 

Fredi: Right away.

 

Olsen: What do you want? The last I check your not manager anymore. So in a second thought, I could care less about what you want.

 

*Girardi pulls Olsen ears*

 

Girardi: Last I check you were a pitcher with a 5.81 who was beaten up by the cops. So unless you want to get slap by Reggie like the good old days, or perhaps even by Fredi its your choice, you will stop whining like when your uniform button broke.

 

Olsen: *sniff* It was my lucky uniform that my grandmother made it for me.

 

Girardi: Look team, here the deal. If you guys actually play hard, and avoid making mental mistake, and bring back the rule of whoever strike out get the Reggie slap, you can actually eliminate those Mets from the playoff. What do you say? Do it for the Yanke...imean Fredi!

 

Cabrera: (with anger) Where my steak Fredi? I'm getting hungry again! >

 

Fredi: Coming!

 

Girardi: Ugh...

LOL that sounds more like the real Fredi!

The scene: The Marlins clubhouse prior to tomorrow's game. All the players are going through heir pre-game routine. In the center of the clubhouse are two sofas, facing each other, Uggla is laying down on the far left and Miguel Cabrera is sitting on the far right. Cabrera is in his jock, Amezaga is sitting on his lap. All the other players are in or around their lockers. Mike Jacobs is watching a VH1 marathon of Charm School.

 

Uggla (speaking to Cabrera): Do you know what the difference is between being President of Baseball Operations and being General Manager?

 

Cabrera: I doan't no meng-- I do no dis...in Venezuela, Hugo Chavez is presidente!

 

Amezaga: I bet the President of Baseball Operation gets more p***y than the GM.

 

Cabrera: Pero no mas que yo!

 

*all Spanish-speaking players burst into laughter*

 

*Fredi walks into the clubhouse from a door on the left*

 

*Fredi walks towards TV, tries to turn off TV but accidentally presses the Menu button. After fumbling around a bit more he finally turns it off*

 

Fredi: Ok guys, team meeting everyone gather around.

 

*Cabrera takes off jock*

 

Fredi: Cabbie, not now, we can all admire your package later.

 

*Cabrera shrugs and puts on pants*

 

Fredi: First off, what is the difference between being President of Baseball Operations and General Manager?

 

*teams collectively shrugs*

 

Fredi: Ok, since nobody knows we'll just move on.

 

Fredi: 13 to nothing. You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Admin!

 

Beinfest (from the foreground): President of Baseball Operations?

 

Fredi: :|

 

Olsen: Skip, isn't that speech from Bull Durham?

 

Fredi: Uhhhhhhh...I believe it is.

 

Team: :|

 

Fredi: Ok, I have nothing, I said everything meaningful I need to say on Friday, so I'll conclude the season with this thought.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOU a**holes ARE GOING TO GET YOUR f***ING ASSES ONTO THAT f***ING FIELD AND YOUR GOING f***ING TO SPANK THESE MOTHERf***ING, COCK-SUCKING, a**hole LICKING BUNCH OF USELESS PIECES OF sh*t SO f***ING HARD THEY'RE GOING TO WISH THEY WERE BEING SCREWED IN THE a**hole WITH A PIECE OF RUSTY PIPE. AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME A FULL EFFORT, I'M GOING TO MAKE IT MY LIFE'S MISSION TO DO IT TO YOU!!!! YOU HEAR ME a**holes!

 

Team: YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

Fredi: DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE!?!?!?!?

 

*pulls down pants and exposed penis*

 

Team: YES!!!

 

Fredi: WELL THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM BEATING THESE a**holes TODAY!!!!

 

*team charges field*

LOLLLLLLLL I'm loving these!

If Fredi has the cojones to say all of that, I think that could be a catalyst for next season. For everything. For home games, away games, injuries, errors, the start of No Excuse baseball here in South Florida.

 

 

Atleast thats how I'd like to imagine it.